The Premier League’s back, thank fuck, the summer is very long without an International Tournament and if we are honest the Club World Cup didn’t hit the spot, but the ball is back. Gameweek 1 is done and dusted and Fantasy Footy managers all round are already looking at their teams in dismay. We are back baby! If Week 1 is anything to go by, we’re in for a season of screamers, stinkers, and full-blown storylines. Here’s what caught our eye, annoyed us, and made us wonder what the hell some clubs were thinking.
Let’s get this out of the way, Manchester United need a proper goalkeeper. That wasn’t a foul on Bayındır. That was soft, weak goalkeeping. Embarrassing stuff, really.
You can’t go into a season with Bayındır (a Championship-level cheerleader), Onana (shot-stopping shitshow since Day 1), and Tom Heaton (ageing like milk) and expect to climb the table.
The fact United had 22 shots — the most Arsenal have faced since that 8-2 mauling under Fergie — says it all. They were the better side, dominated midfield, and if not for David Raya’s 7 saves (most in the league this weekend), they walk away with 3 points. That’s the difference, 1 goalkeeper kept the ball out of the net (insert Roy Keane – That’s his job siren here) and the other, well his wrists are made of poppadom’s. Tragic
Arsenal? Efficient. Dangerous in moments. But riding their luck. 1 Nil to the Arsenal? I thought we left that back in the 90’s? But hey the Spanish Sean Dyche (Arteta) seems to have a team that can win through defensive structure and set piece brilliance, no harm with it, but if the gaffers name was Michael Artane we’d be having a very different conversation.
All the talk is about United looking at midfield with Baleba from Brighton the key focus, but Manchester were the better team against Arsenal, arguably the best midfield in the league. So, while everyone’s talking about United needing midfield depth, they clearly need someone who can wear gloves and stop footballs first. New Signings Cunha and Mbeumo look really exciting up front and could give United a decent season this year.
Fantasy Angle: Raya’s a top-tier draft keeper. United’s defence? Avoid until someone back there stops flapping.
City 4–0 Wolves. In second gear. Not even pretending to try hard. That’s the scary bit. Haaland is Thanos, Thanos is Haaland, he is just inevitable and if he’s in the mood, the race for the title is about to get very very interesting. Pep Guardiola’s men layed down the marker for the rest of the league to show that they mean business this season. The depth City have this season could see them go for all of the competitions this year, and after going without silverware for the first time since 16/17 so they needed to start strong…so they did.
Reijnders looks like a Dutch De Bruyne reboot — goal, assist, and linked up with Haaland like they’ve played together for a decade. Meanwhile, Haaland casually bags a brace without breaking stride.
And Pep? Looks like he’s tossing out the control freak playbook. More direct. More fluid. More energy. It’s about how fast can we get Erling into spots where he can cause real damage…..Good luck stopping that.
Wolves? Relegation fodder. I’ve said it since last year and it’s the sentiment I will stand by all season. Gutted of talent, slow at the back, and couldn’t live with City’s tempo. One-way traffic.
Fantasy Angle: Haaland. Reijnders. Maybe even a cheeky Foden resurgence if Pep keeps this tempo up.
Liverpool might still need a centre-back, get that Guehi deal done asap. Sure everyone wants a slice of Isak, but he’s the icing on the cake, Guehi is the sponge, the base, and sure without a base we just have a bowl of melted icing, still tasty but lacking that satisfying bite. They looked electric going forward. Ekitike, Gakpo, and Salah all on the scoresheet? You can’t script a better attacking spread. Etikite looks the real deal, big, fast, and has the compusure in front of goal Darwin never had, of the number 9’s brought into the league this season……I reckon he outscores Gyokeres, there I said it.
But the game’s headline wasn’t a goal.
It was Antoine Semenyo, racially abused by a so-called fan from the disabled section. Ref Anthony Taylor paused the match. There is absolutely no place for racism in the game, we hope that fan is banned from all stadiums and to think he not only said whatever he said, but had the cajones to repeat himself. The fan was removed — and rightly so. But Semenyo? Responded with class, fire, and two goals, including a blistering solo run from halfway. Semenyo showed composure, courage and quality to bag 2 stunning goals hats off and major respect for handling such bullshit with class and charisma and showing his resilience by bagging that brace.
There’s no place for racism in football. Zero. Get them out of our game — and ban them for life.
Fantasy Angle: Semenyo is going to get snapped up soon. Keep eyes on him.
A 3–0 win on return to the Prem? Statement stuff. Sunderland took West Ham apart. Ballard ( 3 people triple captained him over in FPL on gameweek 1, either time travel is real or someone needs to check their meds), Isidor, and Mayenda with the goals. Diarra and Xhaka ran the midfield like it was a training drill.
Oh, and shoutout to the club giving free season tickets for the entire campaign to over-85 fans. Classy. Beautiful. And, based on that display, those golden oldies might be in for one hell of a ride. The only caveat is that Sunderland’s skilfully blended team cannot play West Ham every week.
Meanwhile, Graham Potter looked like he aged five years in 90 minutes. With Kudus gone, Antonio released, and Callum Wilson as your plan B — you’re in trouble.
“I understand the scoreline doesn’t look pretty for us,” said West Ham’s manager. “We have to accept the criticism and we have to do better. We can’t wait for the opposition to give us points.”
Potter must hope the improvement begins at home to Chelsea on Friday night. Start taking bets on Potter to be shown the door.
Fantasy Angle: Xhaka might be reborn in red. Sunderland assets are worth watching — especially Ballard if you like streaming defenders.
Hahahahaha this is poetic vindication for me. On a recent podcast I was ridiculed by the team here for saying one to watch this season was Josh King, gameweek 1 my point was proven. Watch this space. Over the last few year Fulham have a knack of producing that sexy 10, Harvey Elliot, Fabio Carvahlo, Matt O’Riley, Patrick Roberts, Mousa Dembele all spring to mind, and this lad will be the pick of the bunch. Over in the other land if you’re looking for a sub-£5.0m FPL enabler, Josh King is now your man. The only budget attacker to start GW1 — and boy did he take his chance.
Matched up against hyped Brighton man Carlos Baleba (rumoured United target) and absolutely bossed the game. Direct, fearless, technical. Could’ve won a penalty. Drove at defenders all game. Got man of the match. It was only King’s second Premier League start but the 18-year-old was running rings around the Brighton midfielder. He was Fulham’s biggest threat and the player making things happen throughout. The teenager combined well with Fulham’s key player from last year Alex Iwobi down the left, All while Andreas Pereira and Emile Smith Rowe sat on the bench watching an 18-year-old do their job.
“Top talent,” said Marco Silva. “No hesitation starting him.” He won’t be a secret for long.
Brighton were tidy but blunt. O’Riley scored a penalty, but without João Pedro, they look toothless. Brighton were the better side against Fulham but just couldn’t put the game to bed, attempting a meagre 10 shots, many of which were from distance. Brighton took the lead through a penalty by ex Cottager Matt O’Riley but were pegged back by a stoppage-time equalizer from Fulham, Muniz who now looks set to be signing a new deal at the Cottage after rejecting a move to Atalanta.
Fantasy Angle: Josh King. Get him now before the bandwagon starts.
Gameweek 1 gave us controversy, and class in equal measure. From United’s keeper crisis to City’s cruise control, from Sunderland’s roaring return to Josh King’s breakout, the league doesn’t wait around. And if this weekend was anything to go by, we’re in for a season full of shocks, heroes, villains, and VAR meltdowns. Strap in — the Premier League’s back, and it’s already off its head. And if you haven’t joined the Statr waiting list yet? Get it done!
Jon Harrison, September 2025
Comments are closed