Anyone who listens to the StatrCast regularly knows I’ve never been sold on Mikel Arteta. In my humble opinion, he’s a Spanish Sean Dyche with better hair and a bigger budget. But I digress.
Arsenal fans may see him as the saviour but if you take off the rose-tinted Instagram filters and look at the facts, the picture isn’t all that pretty. Arsenal fans adore him, and I get it, honestly I do, but we all know the line “it’s the hope that kills you” it’s been a long decade and Arteta is a big can of hope. But if we’re talking cold, hard football logic? There are serious questions to ask about whether he’s the man to take Arsenal forward.
Here are five (and a bit) reasons why Mikel Arteta should be skating on very thin North London ice.
1. He’s Not That Good -Let’s Stop Pretending
He’s had nearly five years, a blank cheque in the transfer market, and still walks around like a genius because he won an FA Cup with Unai Emery’s squad. Manchester United have been a trainwreck and an overall dumpster fire for a long time now, yet they’ve still picked up more silverware recently. Ten Hag managed two trophies in a dumpster fire of a club and got sacked. Arteta? Still living off that FA Cup he won six months in using Unai Emery’s squad might we add. Since then, nada, zilch, zippo. David Moyes lifted a European trophy with West Ham. Eddie Howe took Newcastle to their first domestic final in decades. Arteta, with all the backing and squad investment, has sweet nothing to show for it. Let’s look at the league finishes:
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2019–20: 8th
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2020–21: 8th
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2021–22: 5th (bottled top 4)
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2022–23: 2nd (bottled the title)
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2023–24: TBD, but it’s happening again…
At any other big club, this run would have seen him gone. Imagine being this far into a rebuild, over half a billion spent, and still trophyless since 2020? Ask yourself if Real Madrid (Jesus H Christ Arsenal Fan Tv), Bayern, or even Chelsea, Manchester United or even Spurs would tolerate that. We know the answer. Think about it, Ten Hag got binned with two trophies at United. Moyes brought European silverware to West Ham and saw the door. Arteta? He’s got a dog called Win. That’s not irony. That’s Arsenal.
2. His Transfer Strategy Is a Puzzle with Missing Pieces
Arteta has made over 30 signings, and yet has only brought in two recognised forwards, maybe 3 at a push: Gabriel Jesus, and a short-term flyer Raheem Sterling. That’s it. You could argue Trossard but he like Havertz was actually brought in to play in midfield and ended up accidently working better in the positions they played earlier in their careers, shock and or horror right? But what about Merino!!!! Please just stop it. No. He’s a 6 helping out and doing rather well at it.
The rest? Defensive midfielders, backup goalkeepers, and more fullbacks than a FIFA Ultimate Team addict with no chemistry. Five goalkeepers, FIVE! Endless inverted fullbacks. Declan Rice (fair enough). Thomas Partey. Jorginho. Even Kai Havertz was brought in to “help midfield balance”. Everyone and their dog (literally, his dog, Win) knows Arsenal need a striker since Auba and Laca dipped. But nah, let’s sign another inverted left-back. Genius….or not
3. The TED Talk Vibes Have Expired
We all remember the lightbulb moment from All or Nothing. It felt more TED Talk at a team-building retreat, LinkedIn keynote wankiness and if you seriously think without cameras there, anyone is buying into that PowerPoint energy? The man’s one “trust the process” away from turning into a parody of himself. Inspiring leadership? More like viral content. Honesly shite team talks like this are meme fuel, it’s like he’s working in HR for one of them super modern were all a family companies with Pinterest quotes on the wall and a “family” yoga retreat, gway you numpty.
Arteta loves the theatre. You can almost see him practicing in the mirror before every talk or am I wrong, just fix that one blade of hair and finding the right moment to whip out whatever ridiculous prop tickled his fancy on the day, imagine the sight if a Patrick Viera, Tony Adams or Martin Keown was in the dressing room this day? I have a fairly good idea where that lightbulb would end up. You really think Granit Xhaka was getting pumped for a must-win game by hearing about “energy, vibes, and light sources,? Come off it.
4. Tactically Limited, Obsessively Set-Piecy
Let’s talk tactics because this is where the praise comes thick and fast. “Arteta is a genius.” “His system is elite.” Arteta is often praised for his tactical acumen, but when the pressure’s on, he has one plan: plan A. And when that fails? Pray. Let’s dig deeper and what do you find? Arsenal’s primary source of goals has become attacking set-pieces. Not fluid open-play brilliance. Not unlocking low blocks. Set. Pieces. Remember I said Spanish Sean Dyche or Poundland Pulis?
Then don’t even get me started on the site of their set-piece coach on the sideline flapping his arms like he’s at an EDM festival, choreographing routines like it’s Broadway. Shite, I have just gone full Roy Keane? I think I have, but let’s see where this goes. Ooooh we have lovely passage set piece plays with axis runner b, blocker a, mate it’s not the NFL but funnier than that Arsenal are actually awful at defending them. Arsenal, so renowned for their ability to score from set-pieces, have now conceded five goals from dead-ball situations since the start of April, the joint most of any Premier League side in all competitions along with Ipswich Town. They spend more time perfecting attacking corners than preventing the basics. One long throw and the entire defence melts.
Arteta’s team is robotic. They don’t adapt. They don’t switch styles. If you disrupt the system, they crumble. Contrast that with managers who can change a match with a tweak such as Mr Emery at Villa. Arteta? Just more sideways passes and praying Saka does something.
It’s style over substance and I for one am not buying it.
5. They’re Becoming Spursy and That’s Not a Compliment
It’s not just that Arsenal haven’t won. It’s how they haven’t. This is the worst insult for any Arsenal fan but it needs to be said. They’re becoming Spursy.
Strong start? Check. Title buzz in the air? Check. Pressure builds? Collapse. Repeat.
It happened last season eight points clear and managed to lose the title comfortably to hand the title to Man City with a bow on top. The year before? Bottled top four, to who? Oh Spurs. This year? The same ghosts are circling.
There’s a mental fragility in this squad, and it starts from the top. They don’t look ready to win. They look ready to almost win. That’s not elite. That’s nearly men. That’s Tottenham.
And if Ange Postecoglou manages to win silverware before Arteta? That would be the ultimate poetic justice. Arsenal fans better hope Ange doesn’t lift the Europa League or London banter rights are going to flip hard and Arsenal Twitter will implode.
Bonus Point: Jimi Is the Mikel Arteta of Our Fantasy League
Let’s bring it home. Jimi, our co-founder and self-proclaimed tactical genius, talks a big game. Loves a spreadsheet. Loves a long-winded explanation of his fantasy strategy. But here’s the stat that matters:
The only time I beat him this season? In the cup.
You know, the one that counts.
Classic Arteta form. Big talk. No trophy. Still thinks he’s the chosen one.
Both Big-game bottle jobs, mental fragility, and a manager who talks about what might be versus results. Arteta’s had time, money, and unwavering fan love. But the truth is he’s got a squad that should be winning now, and he’s still treating it like a project for tomorrow. If this was fantasy football, he’d have been booted from the league already.
At StatrDraft, we believe in results. Not vibes. Not speeches. Just winning. So maybe it’s time Arsenal held their gaffer to the same standard.
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